Armageddon Dreamin'

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ARMAGEDDON DREAMIN’

AN UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AT BIBLE STUDY

Each Wednesday at the small Presbyterian Church we attend, we gather for dinner. . Our pastor is a skillful cook, and aside from his fondness for split pea soup, has excellent taste as well. .

After dinner, the kids gather for youth group while the pastor leads the adults in Bible study. He handles Scripture as well as he handles a knife – and with no doctrinal analogs to that awful soup.

It’s the Full Monty of Bible studies: Genesis through Revelation, all sixty-six books of the Bible. Working through the Bible at this pace is a seven- to ten-year undertaking. Given the age of our members, several will likely have the pleasure of hearing at least some of the material from an even more authoritative source than our pastor, who holds a PhD from the University of Notre Dame. .

We’ve reached the book of Numbers, the fourth book of the Old Testament, part of what is known as the Torah, or Pentateuch. These first five books contain the creation story, Israel’s early history and Old Testament law. Plus plagues, violence and the source material for some Big Moments with Charlton Heston.

Just before our pastor read the beginning of Numbers 19, he warned us that he had an interesting aside related to this passage. Anticipation built as he read:

This ¹ The LORD said to Moses and Aaron: ² "This is a requirement of the law that the LORD has commanded: Tell the Israelites to bring you a red heifer without defect or blemish and that has never been under a yoke. ³ Give it to Eleazar the priest; it is to be taken outside the camp and slaughtered in his presence. ⁴ Then Eleazar the priest is to take some of its blood on his finger and sprinkle it seven times toward the front of the Tent of Meeting. ⁵ While he watches, the heifer is to be burned—its hide, flesh, blood and offal. ⁶ The priest is to take some cedar wood, hyssop and scarlet wool and throw them onto the burning heifer. ⁷ After that, the priest must wash his clothes and bathe himself with water. He may then come into the camp, but he will be ceremonially unclean till evening. ⁸ The man who burns it must also wash his clothes and bathe with water, and he too will be unclean till evening.

⁹ "A man who is clean shall gather up the ashes of the heifer and put them in a ceremonially clean place outside the camp. They shall be kept by the Israelite community for use in the water of cleansing; it is for purification from sin. ¹⁰ The man who gathers up the ashes of the heifer must also wash his clothes, and he too will be unclean till evening. This will be a lasting ordinance both for the Israelites and for the aliens living among them.

This passage is typical of much of the Old Testament: highly detailed and somewhat difficult for our modern minds. (Three chapters later, we encounter a talking donkey, which renders this passage rather dull.) To put it simply, Numbers 19 describes a purification ritual. The aside the pastor alluded to got my attention. “There are Fundamentalist Christians in Texas,” he said, “trying to breed red heifers in order to help bring about the Apocalypse.”

Not surprisingly, this little aside prompted a discussion about the nature of Fundamentalism. By the time I had completed the ten minute walk home, I decided I needed to learn more about the red heifer. .

I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THIS BEING DISTURBING

I turned to the Internet to find out more.

First, just to be clear, we’re not talking fire engine- or Clifford the Big Red Dog-red – just a solid-colored but infrequently occurring cow-red.

I learned of a heifer named Melody, who caused a stir in the mid-90s, until she turned out to be less than fully red. And a gentleman named Clyde Lott has been working for years to breed red heifers. We’ll learn more about both of these later, but for now, just know that candidate cows undergo detailed inspection and news of the results travels quickly.

I also discovered that the red heifer appears in only this passage. But this single mention has captivated the attention of some Christians because one interpretation links it directly to the timing of the Apocalypse. Under this interpretation, Armageddon will not occur until the Jews rebuild the temple in Jerusalem. But they cannot rebuild without a purification ritual. And there can be no ritual without a red heifer.

So some of the world’s Christians, having finished all the other work Jesus had in mind for them, have embarked on a truly global mission: helping God end the world.

WHAT IS FUNDAMENTALISM, AND WHAT WAS I THINKING?

The Fundamentalist Christian worldview holds that God’s work consists of both broad strokes (The Universe!) and amazing feats of precision (eight-hundred thousand words of scripture, each one literally true.)

Between 1897 and 1919, conservative American Christians debated and eventually agreed on the five key theological concepts that remain the basis of Fundamentalism. (They are: the verbal inerrancy of scripture, the divinity of Jesus, the virgin birth, the substitutionary theory of atonement and the physical return of Jesus.) With such a rigid starting point, there is little room for things like contemplation or finding common ground. A highly restrictive belief system, Fundamentalism is the spiritual equivalent of painting by the numbers, if the only numbers were one and two, and the only colors were black and white.

Fundamentalist scholars – many of them gifted teachers or brilliant linguists – are resolute in their search for definitive answers to every question. It can be argued that this is a religion not of faith, but of certainty –which may beg the question whether calling it a religion is appropriate.

(It is strikingly different from the Jewish Rabbinical tradition, in which the Rabbi’s role is interpreting the Jewish scriptures, not on telling the congregation precisely what the text means. Uncertainty, doubt and even arguing with God are built in.)

I dabbled in a gentle version of Fundamentalism as a teenager and young adult. While many of my friends now claim we were in it only for the girls, there was more to it than that. What we learned about friendship and character and commitment made us better people. And when “The Bible” pops up as a category on Jeopardy, look out.

Even at my most devout, I could not help but believe that our Big Brains must play a role in faith. What ultimately separated me from Fundamentalism had nothing to do with the truth of the five fundamentals. No, it was that this faith, supposedly the answer for all of humanity, made no allowance for the humanness of those it purported to save. With our innate desire to question, wonder, and discover now unneeded, the Leap of Faith was replaced by the Baby Step of Being Totally Sure. .

THAT OLD TIME RELIGION: NOT SO OLD AFTER ALL

Though the five fundamentals themselves were not new doctrines, the movement that galvanized around them amounted to a new and uniquely American version of Christianity. This bit of knowledge took me by surprise.

Largely because of its name, I assumed that Fundamentalism was the original version of Christianity, (It doesn’t get much more fundamental than the idea that understanding the Bible does not require interpretation -- but simply the ability to read and the willingness to treat each word as literal truth.) This was of course a profoundly ignorant on my part, since printed Bibles and people who could read have only been widely present for about a quarter of the time Christianity has existed. .

To illustrate the crux of the Fundamentalist approach, let’s revisit the Pentateuch. These first five books of the Old Testament are the foundation of the three great Abrahamic faiths – Judaism, Islam and Christianity.

As long ago as the early 16^th century, when printed Bibles were still quite rare, scholars began to question the notion that the Pentateuch was written by Moses himself. Up to that point, it was widely believed that Moses had written the five books and that further, the original author of each book of the Bible was inspired directly by God and was in essence taking dictation.

Well, in 1520 a German scholar named Carlstadt noticed that the passage dealing with the death of Moses, in the book of Deuteronomy, was from a literary perspective consistent with the rest of Deuteronomy. Compared to parting the Red Sea, writing of one’s own death may not seem like much, but Carlstadt’s argument that Moses was not the sole author of the Pentateuch prevailed.

And so it went for the next few centuries as Bible scholars applied the techniques of literary and textual criticism to the Bible. The approach became known as “Modernism,” which sounds to me like a much more recent development than “Fundamentalism.”

Modernism was an affront to conservative American theologians. They rejected its assertion that the Bible was more a collection of works than a coherent, unified document. Culturally, this rejection’s net effect was to unify Fundamentalists around three key ideas: exclusivity, separation and hostility towards science in general and Darwinism in particular.

Those three concepts remain central to the way today’s Fundamentalists relate to the world, and the way the world relates to them. Pat Robertson responds to the Haiti earthquake with talk of a “pact with the devil.” Jon Stewart responds to Robertson with mockery and scorn. (Moderate Christians are just embarrassed.) So there is a huge divide not just between Fundamentalists and our secular culture, but between Fundamentalists and other Christians.

(We are almost ready to revisit the red heifer.)

Even the earliest Christians believed that Jesus’ return was imminent, as do today’s Fundamentalists. This has spawned both intensive study of the relevant Bible passages and a multi-million dollar market for Apocalyptically themed books, movies and seminars. Such products fuel increases in both Anxiety and Donations.

That Jesus has not yet returned drives those awaiting she Second Coming deeper and deeper into the study of Bible prophecies, creating a frenzied increase in the amount of material available. Hal Lindsey, who wrote the end times bestseller The Late Great Planet Earth in 1970, has spent the subsequent forty years studying and teaching about Bible prophecy. As I write this, I am listening to “The Hal Lindsey Report” via streaming video from his Web site. Today’s theme: how modern communication is evidence that the end is near. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophesy.

The red heifer fits neatly into this pattern of escalation: Since now innocuous developments (like bar codes and the European Union) were not, in fact, omens of Armageddon, deeper study is required. And that’s where the red heifer comes in.

HEIFER ENCOUNTER I: MELODY…CLOSE BUT NO APOCALYPSE

Melody the heifer was born in 1996 in Israel and there was much rejoicing. It was believed for a time that she might be the perfect red heifer many had been awaiting. And by “people,” I mean a peculiar alliance of a small number of American Fundamentalist Christians and an equally small number of conservative Israeli Jews.

According to the Web site of the Calvary Chapel of Truckee, California, it was determined upon closer inspection that Melody had black eyelashes. This made her a better-looking cow overall, but unsuitable for use in the ritual.

But even here there is controversy: in an article in JWeekly.com, on online Jewish news source serving the San Francisco area, Melody’s flaw was not black eyelashes, but a white tail. So apparently whatever common interest Jews and Christians have in an actual red heifer materializing, they are at literal opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to livestock assessment. Apparently we can’t all just get along.

HEIFER ENCOUNTER II: MR. LOTT GOES TO JERUSALEM

In 1989, according to the Los Angeles Times, Clyde Lott – a rare breed himself, being both a rancher and a preacher – “”heard from a preacher that the apocalypse might be approaching.” For whatever reason, this did not inspire Lott to get his house in order, but to export red heifers to Israel.

"A seed was planted in me, and once there, that seed didn't leave me alone," Lott told the Times, whose next move was to take a trip to Jackson, Mississippi, the state capital. There he chatted with the state’s top agricultural officer, who connected Lott with a United States trade envoy in Greece, who eventually helped Lott reach a nonprofit group in Israel, called the Temple Institute, whose purpose is to rebuild the temple.

Meetings were held, plans were hatched, but efforts to export and then breed lots and lots of Lott’s red heifers have thus far proved futile. Flying a planeload of cattle from the United States to Israel is fraught with bureaucratic headaches. But Lott’s quest continues; he’s certain the red heifer will appear, and he’d like it to be one of his.

NOW, THE SCARY PART, AND SOME HOPE

Some of the eight hundred thousand words in the Bible are fairly clear (thou shalt not kill, love thy neighbor, etc.) But we struggle mightily with the Simple and Clear, so much so that we often choose to skip it, focusing instead on the Obscure and Divisive. Frustrated with the challenge of adding two and two, we’ve moved on to quadratic equations.

Attraction to the obscure is understandable. Such things add a touch of mystery to life and provide a not insignificant number of jobs. Being free of open sores and human death, the red heifer passage leaves room to ponder the Apocalypse without confronting the human suffering that accompanies it.

To most of us, Clyde Lott’s efforts to produce a perfect red heifer look like a big waste of time. Even if Clyde’s dream comes true, it’s a huge leap to get from “there is a red heifer” to “Clyde’s cow is now in Israel.”

But perhaps we should think a bit more about such ventures. .

You might say that Temple Mount, the real estate on which the Temple is to be rebuilt, is on a very desirable corner, one currently controlled by the competition. The oldest known Muslim building, the Dome of the Rock is located there today. So the Temple can only be rebuilt if this holy Muslim site is destroyed. No matter what you believe about the end times, this would be a Step Backward for human relations.

And the red heifer, unfortunately, is not the only way Fundamentalist Christians are attempting to hasten Armageddon. They are also sending money to Zionist groups in Israel, for the express purpose of building new settlements, because fulfilling all the Biblical prophecies can only happen if Israel is home exclusively to Jews.

Waiting is a recurring theme for many practicing Christians (and has a place in other religions as well.) The eagerness with which we await Christmas is not just about unwrapping gifts; it has a spiritual dimension as well. And Lent, with its emphasis on fasting and personal sacrifice is rich in contemplative anticipation. If this Apocalyptic Eagerness was only about waiting, there would be much less to say about it.

But the literalist view of the end times includes death for what in today’s world is billions of unbelievers. Of course it is possible that the world will end this way; in fact, it could happen before my next birthday. But wishing for it and believing we ought to facilitate it is a long way from hoping for a new bike or giving up chocolate for Lent. It’s nothing short of cruel.

A more hopeful approach is found in the words of W. Eugene March, Professor of Old Testament at Louisville Presbyterian Seminary, who writes, “My experience leads me to the conviction that the practice of love, not the defense of doctrine, is the primary challenge for Christians (and the adherents of other religious traditions as well) in the world today.”

This approach, very unlikely to lead to war, provides a simple roadmap for people of faith to do Good, keep Busy and be Happy. No matter how much time we have left.

ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN GET A GOOD STEAK AROUND HERE?

One last thing: if you ever find yourself walking along King George Street in Jerusalem, be sure to make time for a meal at the Red Heifer Steakhouse. The beef is Kosher, house-aged and presumably from Ordinary-Looking Cows.